It wasn't that long ago that I didn't even open my Bible every day. My spirit was "drooping for lack of dew.' Sometimes, I dare say, it was near shrivelling. But, even in these times, God was still using me. He was still directing my paths. Through the desert, I travelled parched...and that parched spirit magnified and intensified the dew when, at last, I arrived, ready to be tended by Him. Many times of late I have said, "I never want to go back to who I was before October 7th." Why? Because, now I am rich where then I was poor. Now I feel satiated in His Spirit...even in difficult times, I have a peace.
A quick look at the archives will reveal a break in my posting. Where once I was diligent in almost daily posting, there comes a reprieve. For those that know me intimately, it is not hard to guess why. I suffer from depression. And, it is my habit, to retreat into my shell when the clouds close in on me. But this last gloom was different. Though, physically the same, even emotionally the same, my spirit was not tread upon. Instead, I longed for heaven...for completion. Though I did not post, I read my streams every day. I read my Bible. There were times when I did not "hear" anything to help me...but I knew that the action, the commitment to do it anyway, was of utmost important. On January 23rd we read, "Let us not rely on feeling, but on faith..." It was faith to keep reading Streams and the Bible. It was faith to not let go when I didn't "feel" comfort or help.
Prior to October 7th, I would have allowed this slump to take me away from my soon to come"dew." Not having received the "quick fix," I would have put the Bible in a drawer and gone on, headed toward the desert and parching again. But, faith that has been strengthened kept me close. "We can counterpoise and overcome the other law that bears us down... (with) real spiritual energy and fixed purpose and a settled posture and a habit of faith." (Streams January 27th).
"...When the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according the the hope of eternal life. This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable to men." -Titus 3:4-8
So...even when it doesn't make you "feel" good and even if you don't "feel" like doing it, read, be still and know that He is God...because you have faith, you read. The blessings will follow...because He says so.
3 comments:
I love you, my sweet dear sister in Christ. It takes alot for you to admit your suffering and I am so thankful that you did it now. you are so right about THE CHANGE - I also never want to be preOctober 7th person either! I want to be refreshed with DEW each and every day and I want the closeness with God that comes from that dew soaking. I read with FAITH even when my soul is dragging and I can't possibly imagine that there is comfort or encouragement amongst those pages -OH BUT . . . these blessings are poured out from those pages. MAYBE not that moment but they do come.
Do not lose faith - but persevere with actions and soon like Marchelle says - the feelings will follow.
this is missie,
thank you both. i woke up this morning and read my streams. I immediately walked into the kitchen and had mom read it as well. I needed help. Couldn't wrap my mind around it. However, after a brief discussion I realized that I have been in the dew for a couple of days. And the refreshing I have had is so cleansing to my soul.
I also realized to surrender all to him is a battle I am fighting with my selfish self. I have been diligent in reading and studying. I thank you both for your strength. I thank you for your postings and love you both very much.
His work in me is ongoing and I am going to make him proud.
Came across your post. THANK YOU for letting me know that I am not a failure for not reading my bible every day. That it's not to late to pick it back up. I feel like if I can sit and watch that 30 minute sitcom then why can't I sit and give God 30 minutes? I want his blessings and I want to understand his word and I want to live for him. Thank you for letting me know that it's never to late. I look forward to reading more of your post.
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